Daeus Jorento

The General Idea

The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience. – Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

I often turn to music to attune to how I am feeling, sometimes as a proxy to a friend, therapist, or close confidant. Not necessarily hiding it anymore, but just to explore the different flavors. 

I did this a lot when I was younger, like trying on different identities and stories through an empathetic emotional experience as I formed who I was. Maybe it was alexithymia from deeper and lagging emotions due to my own time blindness. Regardless of why, I think this is fairly common. For example, people often turn to sad songs during a breakup – maybe to just help the negative emotion pass through more directly rather than running from it – or just to feel it more. As to what song, it depends on what lands with each person. Someone angry after a breakup might turn to You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette (or Fuck You by Ceelo Green), and someone who is more so just sad or even perhaps further along in the grieving process might turn to Someone Like You by Adele.

But what of the emotion? Sure, it’s a painful experience, but there is a more specific emotion to define. I remember turning to emotion wheels to understand what I might be feeling more precisely, rather than generally. Going back to the breakup example, the extreme end or early on people might say they feel nothing. Then they might proceed to start realizing they feel sad. Then, perhaps, more specifically they feel disappointed, or isolated, or ashamed. It can be helpful to also rule out what the feeling is not, as a breakup might not make someone feel guilty, so much as hurt or lonely (or vice versa depending on the role they played and their interpretation of it). 

What led me to map specific emotions to music was the song Overwhelmed by Royal & the Serpent, which came out mid-2020 during the pandemic while I had just transitioned to doing some deeper cognitive behavioral therapy. Stories can also often fill this role, but music just hits faster.

Over the past 6 years I’ve built a mapping for myself, focusing primarily on the 3 big negative emotions: sadness, anger, and fear. This is personal to me and my own experiences and interpretations of certain feelings. Sometimes they are me trying to feel the emotion in its most raw form. Other times it’s me just trying to hear someone confidently describe a feeling. The specific emotion is not always on the emotions wheel, but it’s the closest I could come to describing the feeling.

And so, I wanted to share.

The Mapping

Song Details: Sadness

[Sadness] Abandoned: Billie Eilish – When the party’s over

Billie Eilish and her brother Finneas are absolutely brilliant in their musical storytelling.

[Sadness] Ashamed: Between Friends – Affection

Oh, I’m looking for affection in all the wrong places
And we’ll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces

This song conveys confidence of acknowledging the mistake but being unable to stop it. An insider version perspective that matches the tone of All My Friends by Snakehips ft Tinashe, Chance the Rapper – which has this brilliant music video of waiting in line at a night club and never getting in.

[Sadness] Bored: Erik Satie – Gymnopédie No.1

Most folks know this song but don’t remember the name. It is intentionally very simple and unstimulating. Much like the six-word story of tragedy: For sale: baby shoes, never worn.

[Sadness] Loss (Elegy): The Antlers – Kettering

Having lost a few family members recently to cancer, this song really tells a story of hospice in a tender and tragic way. I first heard it in Sense8 and it pulled me in.

[Sadness] Empty: Nymano – I wish I could sleep

The sample is from Pat Metheny – More Travels. But I like this version better and the theme of lying awake, exhausted, wishing I could sleep late at night.

[Sadness] Fragile: Liz Callaway – Once Upon a December (Anastasia)

Anyone who saw Anastasia growing up knows this song of nostalgia and a lost memory of royalty in a past life.

[Sadness] Grief: Dabl – Not me

More specific to a breakup, but I find the slurred, faded grief beautiful. With an odd maturity in accepting that it is not them someone chose no matter how much pain they are in.

[Sadness] Nostalgia: Chronic Future – Memories in F Minor.

Wistfulness. Calmer than grief.

Memories of better days
Turn the pages back to a faded photograph of
Memories of yesterdays
The years’ll pass by but they’ll never bring me back to
Never bring me back to you

[Sadness] Old: Feist – Caught a Long Wind

Sometimes I just feel…. old. It’s a mixture of sadness, shame, and maybe longing. But it’s just a part of going on in life. This song seems to capture it floating on the wind.

Song Details: Fear

[Fear] Exposed: Metric – Help I’m alive

I tremble
They’re gonna eat me alive
If I stumble
They’re gonna eat me alive
…
If we’re still alive, my regrets are few
If my life is mine, what shouldn’t I do?

This was my favorite song for years. I would listen to it before a specific swim practice where we would do 30 all-out sprints to failure and try to hold a specific time with about a minute of rest each time. My heart rate would get above 200 beats per minute and it was the hardest physical feat I have ever done as an athlete. And we did it every week. Listening to this song helped me get out of the car and still go to the pool though I was terrified.

[Fear] Helpless: Muse – Time is running out

I listened to this song a lot in high school. It reminded me of the fear of missing the bus as I run towards it, or trying to finish up a test with 5 minutes to go where I am not going to make it.

[Fear] Inadequate: Jessica Darrow – Surface pressure (Encanto)

See the clip from the movie Encanto.

[Fear] Liminality: Mitski – Heat Lightning

Well, I’ve held on
But feel a storm approaching
Trees are swaying in the wind
Like sea anemones

Fear might not be the exact category – but liminality is more like the ambiguity or disorientation between stages of a rite of passage. Think graduating high school or college, where it is not necessarily bad, but just a change and move to an unknown as a chapter of life closes for good.

[Fear] Nervous: Illy – Tightrope

Yeah, it’s like I’m walking on a tightrope
And every step could be the one where I fall
It’s like I’m running with a blindfold
And I could be wrong but I don’t know, I don’t know

[Fear] Overwhelm: Royal and The Serpent – Overwhelmed

I described this one above in the general idea section, but this song absolutely nailed the anxious feeling of overwhelm and kickstarted this whole process for me.

[Fear] Unknown: Idir – A Vava Inouva

This song is a Kabyle (Algerian) lullaby that I first heard in my Musics of Africa class I took as an elective in college. The premise is there is a man in a cottage with a monster that is loose in the woods and imitating his daughters voice to gain entrance to his home. He doesn’t know if it is his terrified daughter or the monster as she begs to be let in.

[Fear] Weak: Royal and The Serpent – I can’t get high

Once again, Royal and the Serpent nails the feeling here of feeling weak. Described as coming down from a high and being absent a chemical.

[Fear] Worry: ToonFanatic – I’ll Be Your Keeper (Hazbin Hotel)

Modified from the Hazbin Hotel original song whatever it takes. Feels like a ferocious mother’s love.

Song Details: Anger

[Anger] Agitation: Sheet Music Boss – Rush E

This song has so much manic energy. It perfectly encapsulates that restless, frenetic feeling for me of wired & tired revenge bedtime procrastination.

[Anger] Annoyed: Faded Paper Figures – Spare me

This song is a beautiful poem lyrically. Calling someone’s lie and saying ‘oh spare me.’

You said some gorgeous things
But only half the time
Only half the time
I lived your gorgeous dream
For only half a life
Only half a life

[Anger] Disrespected: Halsey – Gasoline

I love Halsey’s early album Badlands and this is my favorite song about the anger at being dehumanized.

You can’t wake up, this is not a dream
You’re part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen
Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline

[Anger] Frustrated: Shiny Toy Guns – Le Disko

I think this is the first song I ever bought on iTunes (2006?). It really nailed my adolescent frustration, especially the scream.

[Anger] Indignant: Figure – Monster’s revenge

Though primary a dubstep track from Figure’s Monster series, the clips are such a brilliant example of an indignant monster furious at Frankenstein for creating him.

(I didn’t know what I was doing when I created you)
But you did create me
And survive I did

[Anger] Numb: Julie London – Cry Me a River

This song nails that 1950s woman numb rage. That of being out of tears to cry.

And now you say you love me
Well, just to prove you do
Come on and cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you

[Anger] Rage: Linkin Park – Lying from you

This is my favorite Linkin Park song and its soaked in rage and anger. Especially towards someone who has been gaslighting.

[Anger] Resentful: Eminem – Rock bottom

Eminem’s early albums (The Marshal Mathers & Slim Shady LPs) do such a good job of representing the anger and resentment of poverty.

That’s rock bottom, when this life makes you mad enough to kill
That’s rock bottom, when you want somethin’ bad enough to steal
That’s rock bottom, when you feel like you’ve had it up to here
‘Cause you mad enough to scream, but you sad enough to tear

[Anger] Self-Contempt: The Offspring – Self-Esteem

A rock treatise on self-disgust. Not sad, just mad at myself for being like this.

Oh, I know I’m being used
That’s okay, man, ’cause I like the abuse
I know she’s playing with me
That’s okay ’cause I’ve got no self-esteem

Song Details: Happiness

If you made it this far, I salute you. Some of these songs were pretty heavy. So, as a reward, I’ll add what I consider my main happy songs, without toxically ignoring the negative aspects of life.

Primary	Specific	Artist	Song
Joy	Elation	Chappell Roan	Red Wine Supernova
Joy	Hopeful	Machineheart	Circles
Loved	Accepted	Middle Kids	Don’t Be Hiding
Loved	Claimed	Meg Myers	Lemon Eyes
Peace	Content	Smash Mouth	I Just Wanna See
Peace	Reverence	Adventure Time (Rebecca Sugar)	Everything Stays
Proud	Triumphant	Huntrix	How It’s Done
Relief	Grateful	Chronic Future	Thank You
Relief	Vindicated	Kesha	Praying

[Joy] Elation: Chappell Roan – Red Wine Supernova

This song makes me extremely happy whenever I hear it.

[Joy] Hopeful: Machineheart – Circles

It’s hard to find the original of this, but the Vanic remix is pretty accessible (Youtube, Spotify, etc). But this song makes me feel resilient like none other, and that everything comes back around.

[Loved] Accepted: Middle Kids – Don’t Be Hiding

This song simply makes me feel like I belong.

Oh, don’t be hiding, I am not that bothered by
The stuff you’re fighting, for no other reason
That it makes it more exciting, you don’t have to sell it
I am sold, so give me all your garbage and your gold

[Loved] Claimed: Meg Myers – Lemon Eyes

I just love this song. It’s sort of obsessive and about jealousy, but Meg Myers has explicitly said she makes music so people can feel things more deeply (another good example, her song Desire). Lemon eyes gives me the feeling that someone wants me, they claimed me, and that I can’t hide from that.

All your worries such a waste of time
You can’t even see how much you’re mine
…
I bet you wanna walk away, runaway, look away
Turn away, honey you can’t hide
Lemon eyes, all mine

[Peace] Content: Smash Mouth – I Just Wanna See

Like relaxing on a comfy lawn on a beautiful summer day.

[Peace] Reverence: Adventure Time – Everything Stays

This is such a beautiful lullaby on how in little ways things stay even when it feels like everything is swirling and leaving. It always makes the child in me feel safe.

[Proud] Triumphant: Huntrix – How It’s Done

If you’ve ever been absolutely on fire you know this feeling. I highly recommend KPop Demon hunters even if you don’t even like kpop (clip).

[Relief] Grateful: Chronic Future – Thank You

When I was an adolescent I remember sharing this with some adults in my life who I wanted to thank, but didn’t know how to express how much they meant to me.

Because I want to thank you for all your time
You see you don’t even know
How much you ease my mind

[Relief] Vindication: Kesha – Praying

Vindication is a release that follows an often long and painful period of self-doubt, shame, and effort. It’s a moment of being proven right to yourself and having the work finally pay off. It’s returning to a place where you feel safe and loved, after so long spent feeling behind and alone.

Kesha’s story (13 years trying to escape her abuser while locked into a contract forcing her to keep making music for his label) is a hero’s journey in every sense (see the lawsuit on wikipedia). I never expected that the artist behind Tik Tok and Blah Blah Blah in 2010 would become one of the most brilliant, courageous voices of the decade.

Praying came out after years of lawsuits and while she was only two albums into a five-album contract. Her final song on that fifth, legally obligated album (Gag Order) is called Happy. Her first song on her first fully self-produced album, Period, is called Freedom (released on July 4th, 2025). I was actually at that concert in Mountain View, CA. She said it was the happiest day of her life, triumphantly closing a 13-year struggle, where she declared “these are OUR songs. I made them for YOU.”

She took the pink dot from Period and overlaid it across all her previous albums as a symbolic reclaiming. The song Praying itself is pure poetry.

Well, you almost had me fooled
Told me that I was nothing without you
Oh, but after everything you’ve done
I can thank you for how strong I have become

‘Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell
I had to learn how to fight for myself
And we both know all the truth I could tell
I’ll just say this I wish you farewell

I hope you’re somewhere praying, praying
I hope your soul is changing, changing
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, praying