Daeus Jorento

The General Idea

The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.
– Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

I often turn to music to attune to how I am feeling, sometimes as a proxy to a friend, therapist, or close confidant. Not necessarily hiding it anymore, but just to explore the different flavors. 

I did this a lot when I was younger, like trying on different identities and stories through an empathetic emotional experience as I formed who I was. Maybe it was alexithymia from deeper and lagging emotions due to my own time blindness. Regardless of why, I think this is fairly common. For example, people often turn to sad songs during a breakup – maybe to just help the negative emotion pass through more directly rather than running from it – or just to feel it more. As to what song, it depends on what lands with each person. Someone angry after a breakup might turn to You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette (or Fuck You by Ceelo Green), and someone who is more so just sad or even perhaps further along in the grieving process might turn to Someone Like You by Adele.

But what of the emotion? Sure, it’s a painful experience, but there is a more specific emotion to define. I remember turning to emotion wheels to understand what I might be feeling more precisely, rather than generally. Going back to the breakup example, at the extreme end, people might say they feel nothing. Then they might proceed to start realizing they feel sad. Then, perhaps, more specifically they feel disappointed, or isolated, or ashamed. It can be helpful to also rule out what the feeling is not, as a breakup might not make someone feel guilty, so much as hurt or lonely (or vice versa depending on the role they played and their interpretation of it). 

What led me to map specific emotions to music was the song Overwhelmed by Royal & the Serpent, which came out mid-2020 during the pandemic while I had just transitioned to doing some deeper cognitive behavioral therapy. Stories can also often fill this role, but music just hits faster.

Over the past six years, I’ve built a personal map of emotions through music, starting with sadness, fear, and anger, then later adding happiness and shame. These are personal to me and my own experiences and interpretations of certain feelings. Sometimes they are me trying to feel the emotion in its rawest form. Other times it’s me just trying to hear someone confidently describe the feeling. The specific emotion is not always on the emotions wheel, but it’s the closest I could come to describing the feeling.

And so, I wanted to share.

Sadness

[Sadness] Abandoned: Billie Eilish – When the party’s over

Billie Eilish and her brother Finneas are absolutely brilliant in their musical storytelling.

[Sadness] Anguish: Nirvana – Where did you sleep last night

A dark and haunting song even older than when Leadbelly sang it almost 100 years ago (video).

A solid youtube comment on a reaction video: Kurt draws you in with a lullaby, only to unleash all the wolves of hell in your face.

[Sadness] Ashamed: Between Friends – Affection

Oh, I’m looking for affection in all the wrong places
And we’ll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces

This song conveys an awareness of the mistake while being unable to stop repeating it. An insider’s perspective that matches the tone of All My Friends by Snakehips ft Tinashe, Chance the Rapper – which has this brilliant music video of waiting in line at a night club and never getting in.

[Sadness] Bored: Erik Satie – Gymnopédie No.1

Most folks know this song but don’t remember the name. It is intentionally very simple and unstimulating. Much like the six-word story of tragedy: For sale: baby shoes, never worn.

[Sadness] Empty: Nymano – I wish I could sleep

The sample is from Pat Metheny – More Travels. But I like this version better and the theme of lying awake, exhausted, wishing I could sleep late at night.

[Sadness] Fragile: Liz Callaway – Once Upon a December (Anastasia)

Anyone who saw Anastasia growing up knows this song of nostalgia and a lost memory of royalty in a past life.

[Sadness] Grief: Dabl – Not me

More specific to a breakup, but I find the slurred, faded grief beautiful. With an odd maturity in accepting that it is not them someone chose no matter how much pain they are in.

[Sadness] Loss (Elegy): The Antlers – Kettering

Having lost a few family members recently to cancer, this song really tells a story of hospice in a tender and tragic way. I first heard it in Sense8 and it pulled me in.

[Sadness] Nostalgia: Chronic Future – Memories in F Minor.

Wistfulness. Calmer than grief.

Memories of better days
Turn the pages back to a faded photograph of
Memories of yesterdays
The years’ll pass by but they’ll never bring me back to
Never bring me back to you

[Sadness] Old: Feist – Caught a Long Wind

Sometimes I just feel…. old. It’s a mixture of sadness, shame, and maybe longing. But it’s just a part of going on in life. This song seems to capture it floating on the wind.

Fear

Primary	Specific	Artist	Song
Fear	Dread	White Lies	Death
Fear	Exposed	Metric	Help I’m Alive
Fear	Helpless	Muse	Time is Running Out
Fear	Inadequate	Jessica Darrow	Surface Pressure (Encanto)
Fear	Liminality	Mitski	Heat Lightning
Fear	Nervous	Illy	Tightrope
Fear	Overwhelm	Royal and The Serpent	Overwhelmed
Fear	Unknown	Idir	A Vava Inouva
Fear	Weak	Royal and The Serpent	I can’t get high
Fear	Worry	ToonFanatic	I’ll Be Your Keeper (Hazbin Hotel)

[Fear] Dread: White Lies – Death

Spiritually uplifting, yet grounded in a gripping fear of death.

[Fear] Exposed: Metric – Help I’m Alive

I tremble
They’re gonna eat me alive
If I stumble
They’re gonna eat me alive
…
If we’re still alive, my regrets are few
If my life is mine, what shouldn’t I do?

This was my favorite song for years. I would listen to it before a specific swim practice where we would do 30 all-out sprints to failure and try to hold a specific time with about a minute of rest each time. My heart rate would get above 200 beats per minute and it was the hardest physical feat I have ever done as an athlete. And we did it every week. Listening to this song helped me get out of the car and still go to the pool though I was terrified.

[Fear] Helpless: Muse – Time is Running Out

I listened to this song a lot in high school. It reminded me of the fear of missing the bus as I run towards it, or trying to finish up a test with 5 minutes to go where I am not going to make it.

[Fear] Inadequate: Jessica Darrow – Surface Pressure (Encanto)

See the clip from the movie Encanto.

[Fear] Liminality: Mitski – Heat Lightning

Well, I’ve held on
But feel a storm approaching
Trees are swaying in the wind
Like sea anemones

Fear might not be the exact category – but liminality is more like the ambiguity or disorientation between stages of a rite of passage. Think graduating high school or college, where it is not necessarily bad, but just a change and move to an unknown as a chapter of life closes for good.

[Fear] Nervous: Illy – Tightrope

Yeah, it’s like I’m walking on a tightrope
And every step could be the one where I fall
It’s like I’m running with a blindfold
And I could be wrong but I don’t know, I don’t know

[Fear] Overwhelm: Royal and The Serpent – Overwhelmed

I described this one above in the general idea section, but this song absolutely nailed the anxious feeling of overwhelm and kickstarted this whole process for me.

[Fear] Unknown: Idir – A Vava Inouva

This song is a Kabyle (Algerian) lullaby that I first heard in my Musics of Africa class I took as an elective in college. The premise is there is a man in a cottage with a monster that is loose in the woods and imitating his daughter’s voice to gain entrance to his home. He doesn’t know if it is his terrified daughter or the monster as she begs to be let in.

[Fear] Weak: Royal and The Serpent – I can’t get high

Once again, Royal and the Serpent nails the feeling here of feeling weak. Described as coming down from a high and being absent a chemical.

[Fear] Worry: ToonFanatic – I’ll Be Your Keeper (Hazbin Hotel)

Modified from the Hazbin Hotel original song whatever it takes. Feels like a ferocious mother’s love.

Anger

Primary	Specific	Artist	Song
Anger	Agitation	Sheet Music Boss	Rush E
Anger	Annoyed	Faded Paper Figures	Spare me
Anger	Defiant	Rage Against The Machine	Killing in the Name
Anger	Disrespected	Halsey	Gasoline
Anger	Frustrated	Shiny Toy Guns	Le Disko
Anger	Indignant	Figure	Monster’s revenge
Anger	Numb	Julie London	Cry Me a River
Anger	Rage	Linkin Park	Lying from you
Anger	Resentful	Eminem	Rock Bottom
Anger	Self-Contempt	The Offspring	Self Esteem

[Anger] Agitation: Sheet Music Boss – Rush E

This song has so much manic energy. It perfectly encapsulates that restless, frenetic feeling for me of wired & tired revenge bedtime procrastination.

[Anger] Annoyed: Faded Paper Figures – Spare me

This song is a beautiful poem lyrically. Calling someone’s lie and saying ‘oh spare me.’

You said some gorgeous things
But only half the time
Only half the time
I lived your gorgeous dream
For only half a life
Only half a life

[Anger] Defiant: Rage Against The Machine – Killing in the Name

This song pretty much speaks for itself.

[Anger] Disrespected: Halsey – Gasoline

I love Halsey’s early album Badlands and this is my favorite song about the anger at being dehumanized.

You can’t wake up, this is not a dream
You’re part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen
Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline

[Anger] Frustrated: Shiny Toy Guns – Le Disko

I think this is the first song I ever bought on iTunes (2006?). It really nailed my adolescent frustration, especially the scream.

[Anger] Indignant: Figure – Monster’s revenge

Though primarily a dubstep track from Figure’s Monster series, the clips are a brilliant example of an indignant monster furious at Frankenstein for creating him.

(I didn’t know what I was doing when I created you)
But you did create me
And survive I did

[Anger] Numb: Julie London – Cry Me a River

This song nails that 1950s woman numb rage. That of being out of tears to cry.

And now you say you love me
Well, just to prove you do
Come on and cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you

[Anger] Rage: Linkin Park – Lying from you

This is my favorite Linkin Park song and it’s soaked in rage and anger. Especially towards someone who has been gaslighting.

[Anger] Resentful: Eminem – Rock Bottom

Eminem’s early albums (The Marshal Mathers & Slim Shady LPs) do such a good job of representing the anger and resentment of poverty.

That’s rock bottom, when this life makes you mad enough to kill
That’s rock bottom, when you want somethin’ bad enough to steal
That’s rock bottom, when you feel like you’ve had it up to here
‘Cause you mad enough to scream, but you sad enough to tear

[Anger] Self-Contempt: The Offspring – Self-Esteem

A rock treatise on self-disgust. Not sad, just mad at myself for being like this.

Oh, I know I’m being used
That’s okay, man, ’cause I like the abuse
I know she’s playing with me
That’s okay ’cause I’ve got no self-esteem

Shame

Shame is adjacent to sadness, fear, and anger, but not quite any of them. Sadness says something was lost. Fear says something might happen. Anger says something is wrong. Shame says something is wrong with me.

Primary	Specific	Artist	Song
Shame	Cringe	Matt Maeson	Cringe
Shame	Irredeemable	Jaymes Young	Dark Star
Shame	Low-Status	Local H	Bound for the Floor
Shame	Needy	Marina	Starring Role
Shame	Rejected	Puddle of Mudd	She Hates Me
Shame	Remorseful	Death Cab for Cutie	I Dreamt We Spoke Again (Louis The Child Remix)
Shame	Small	P!nk	Lonely Girl (ft. Linda Perry)
Shame	Unlovable	Billie Eilish	When I Was Older
Shame	Unworthy	Radiohead	Creep

[Shame] Cringe: Matt Maeson – Cringe

This song is about driving away the people you care about because of how you live. Harsh, but it pulls no punches. It captures the feeling of seeing yourself from the outside and recoiling.

She said my spirit doesn’t move like it did before
She said that I don’t look like me no more, no more
I said, “I’m just tired,” she said, “You’re just high”

[Shame] Irredeemable: Jaymes Young – Dark Star

Hiding a part of myself because I believe it will always be broken and harmful to others. I like that the song uses space, because this kind of shame feels boundless, eternal, and unsettling. Not just broken, but permanently broken.

My heart was born out of the fire
I lost love a thousand years ago
And still, I can’t find her
Now I don’t love like I used to
But I’ve got stories I could tell you
If I want to

[Shame] Low-Status: Local H – Bound for the Floor

Sometimes it just feels inevitable to be a loser.

And you just don’t get it, you keep it copacetic
And you learn to accept it, you know you’re so pathetic

[Shame] Needy: Marina – Starring Role

Pure poetry from start to finish about being with someone who doesn’t love you. I remember the first time I understood the opening line and realized how brutal it was.

You’re hard to hug, tough to talk to
And I never fall asleep, when you’re in my bed
All you give me is a heartbeat
I’ve turned into a statue, and it makes me feel depressed
‘Cause the only time you open up is when we get undressed

[Shame] Rejected: Puddle of Mudd – She Hates Me

A blunt, ugly teenage version of total rejection. There’s no chance. It’s over. She fucking hates me. Not sad, scared, or angry, just unwanted, even if part of you expected it.

[Shame] Remorseful: Death Cab for Cutie – I Dreamt We Spoke Again (Louis The Child Remix)

Shame is self-focused, while guilt is about impact on others. This is a bridge between them for me: replaying an old regret in a dream, wanting one more conversation after realizing I may have hurt someone.

[Shame] Small: P!nk – Lonely Girl (ft. Linda Perry)

Feeling small in a big world, like a child who wants to be held but is embarrassed to need it.

[Shame] Unlovable: Billie Eilish – When I Was Older

I used to listen to this song on repeat to fall asleep, maybe after a day of dissociating. Not rejected, unwanted, or broken exactly, but unreachable. Like being underwater.

[Shame] Unworthy: Radiohead – Creep

Feeling like I should hide. Wanting to be more than I am. Wanting to be special, wanted, and able to belong.

But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doin’ here?
I don’t belong here

Happiness (Joy)

If you made it this far, I salute you. Some of these songs were pretty heavy. So, as a reward, I’ll add what I consider my main happy songs, which I’ve split into feeling joy, loved, peace, pride, and relief.

Primary	Specific	Artist	Song
Joy	Carefree	Lil Nas X	Old Town Road
Joy	Elation	Chappell Roan	Red Wine Supernova
Joy	Excited	Janelle Monáe	Make Me Feel
Joy	Flow	Overwerk	Contact
Joy	Hopeful	Machineheart	Circles
Joy	Playful	Queen	Fat Bottom Girls
Joy	Trance	Deadmau5	I Remember
Joy	Unity	Amadou & Mariam	M’Bifé

[Joy] Carefree: Lil Nas X – Old Town Road

As my spouse put it, it’s a good song about running away from your problems, how is it not going to be extremely popular?

[Joy] Elation: Chappell Roan – Red Wine Supernova

This song makes me extremely happy whenever I hear it.

[Joy] Excited: Janelle Monáe – Make Me Feel

Janelle Monáe is one of my favorite performers. She brings such a unique, colorful, and expansive joy. I sometimes struggle to feel excited about the future without feeling like I’m setting myself up for disappointment. Dread and anxiety feel safer. This song helps me access excited anticipation without overthinking it.

It’s like I’m powerful with a little bit of tender
An emotional, sexual bender
Mess me up, yeah, but no one does it better
There’s nothin’ better
That’s just the way you make me feel

[Joy] Flow: Overwerk – Contact

I consider this one of the best electronic songs ever made. The orchestrated complexity feels otherworldly and almost forces my brain into a clean flow state through sheer intensity.

[Joy] Hopeful: Machineheart – Circles

It’s hard to find the original of this, but the Vanic remix is pretty accessible (YouTube, Spotify, etc). This song makes me feel resilient like none other, and that everything comes back around.

Oh, I know this is heavy
Like a weight on your back
But I think that we can carry
Carry on to the last
And we’re laughing and crying oceans
At the smallest of things
But it feels so much better
When we find the release

[Joy] Playful: Queen – Fat Bottom Girls

This song makes me feel so goofy and silly. It has such great energy.

[Joy] Trance: Deadmau5 – I Remember

My favorite lower energy, zone out trance-y song that got me through some really hard times where I needed to rest and recover.

Hold to the love that you know
You don’t have to give up to let go

[Joy] Unity: Amadou & Mariam – M’Bifé

As an American, I first heard this African song while I was studying abroad in China. It just made me feel so connected with the world (2011).

Happiness (Loved, Peace, Proud, Relief)

Primary	Specific	Artist	Song
Loved	Accepted	Middle Kids	Don’t Be Hiding
Loved	Belonging	Old Crow Medicine Show	Wagon Wheel
Loved	Claimed	Meg Myers	Lemon Eyes
Loved	Cuddly	Cigarettes After Sex	Sweet
Peace	Awe	Hans Zimmer	Interstellar Main Theme
Peace	Content	Smash Mouth	I Just Wanna See
Peace	Cozy	Mounika	Cut My Hair
Peace	Reverence	Rebecca Sugar (Adventure Time)	Everything Stays
Peace	Stillness	The XX	Intro
Proud	Confident	Brother Ali	Forest Whitaker
Proud	Triumphant	KPop Demon Hunters (Huntrix)	How It’s Done
Relief	Grateful	Chronic Future	Thank You
Relief	Vindicated	Kesha	Praying

[Loved] Accepted: Middle Kids – Don’t Be Hiding

This song makes me feel accepted exactly as I am.

Oh, don’t be hiding, I am not that bothered by
The stuff you’re fighting, for no other reason
That it makes it more exciting, you don’t have to sell it
I am sold, so give me all your garbage and your gold

[Loved] Belonging: Old Crow Medicine Show – Wagon Wheel

I used to sing this with my swim team in the shower after meets. It was one of the times I felt most safe and at home. Country Roads by John Denver is a close second.

[Loved] Claimed: Meg Myers – Lemon Eyes

I just love this song. It’s sort of obsessive and about jealousy, but Meg Myers has explicitly said she makes music so people can feel things more deeply (another good example, her song Desire). Lemon Eyes gives me the feeling that someone wants me, has claimed me, and that I can’t hide from that.

All your worries such a waste of time
You can’t even see how much you’re mine
…
I bet you wanna walk away, runaway, look away
Turn away, honey you can’t hide
Lemon eyes, all mine

[Loved] Cuddly: Cigarettes After Sex – Sweet

If you like one song from Cigarettes After Sex you’ll probably like them all.

It’s so sweet, knowing that you love me
Though we don’t need to say it to each other, sweet
Knowing that I love you, and running my fingers through your hair
It’s so sweet

[Peace] Awe: Hans Zimmer – Interstellar Main Theme

An otherworldly sense of awe and wonder of the universe.

[Peace] Content: Smash Mouth – I Just Wanna See

Like relaxing on a comfy lawn on a beautiful summer day.

And I don’t even wanna understand it all
I just wanna see

[Peace] Cozy: Mounika – Cut My Hair

A calm lo-fi rest for my mind and body. Feels like a warm beverage.

[Peace] Reverence: Adventure Time – Everything Stays

This is such a beautiful lullaby on how in little ways things stay even when it feels like everything is swirling and leaving. It always makes the child in me feel safe.

[Peace] Stillness: The XX – Intro

Like a nighttime lullaby to a peaceful night. I love the heartbeat rhythms.

[Proud] Confident: Brother Ali – Forest Whitaker

Brother Ali gave me a taste of real confidence growing up with his songs.

I’mma be all right, you ain’t gotta be my friend tonight
(You ain’t gotta love me)
An I’mma be okay, you would probably bore me anyway
(You ain’t gotta love me)

[Proud] Triumphant: KPop Demon Hunters (Huntrix) – How It’s Done

If you’ve ever been absolutely on fire, you know this feeling. I highly recommend KPop Demon Hunters even if you don’t even like kpop (clip).

[Relief] Grateful: Chronic Future – Thank You

When I was an adolescent I remember sharing this with some adults in my life who I wanted to thank, but didn’t know how to express how much they meant to me.

Because I want to thank you for all your time
You see you don’t even know
How much you ease my mind

[Relief] Vindicated: Kesha – Praying

Vindication is a release that follows an often long and painful period of self-doubt, shame, and effort. It’s a moment of being proven right to yourself and having the work finally pay off. It’s returning to a place where you feel safe and loved, after so long spent feeling behind and alone.

Kesha’s story (13 years trying to escape her abuser while locked into a contract forcing her to keep making music for his label) is a hero’s journey in every sense (see the lawsuit on wikipedia). I never expected that the artist behind Tik Tok and Blah Blah Blah in 2010 would become one of the most brilliant, courageous voices of the decade.

Praying came out after years of lawsuits and while she was only two albums into a five-album contract. Her final song on that fifth, legally obligated album (Gag Order) is called Happy. Her first song on her first fully self-produced album, Period, is called Freedom (released on July 4th, 2025). I was actually at that concert in Mountain View, CA. She said it was the happiest day of her life, triumphantly closing a 13-year struggle, where she declared, “these are OUR songs. I made them for YOU.”

She took the pink dot from Period and overlaid it across all her previous albums as a symbolic reclaiming. The song Praying itself is pure poetry.

Well, you almost had me fooled
Told me that I was nothing without you
Oh, but after everything you’ve done
I can thank you for how strong I have become

‘Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell
I had to learn how to fight for myself
And we both know all the truth I could tell
I’ll just say this I wish you farewell

I hope you’re somewhere praying, praying
I hope your soul is changing, changing
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, praying